Fifty and Furthermore's Blog

Gloucester Pregnancy Pact

This past June the media was buzzing about the Gloucester, Massachusetts, high school girls who may (or may not have) made a pact to become pregnant together. Seventeen girls in total are pregnant, more than quadruple the typical number of pregnancies in a class per year. Some are blaming movies like Juno and Knocked Up for their portrayal of young unmarried mothers. Personally, I loved Juno because it was such a real life, down to earth, yet sweet movie about the things in life that we can't predict.

School officials in Gloucester are wavering from their original statements that the young girls made a pact to raise their children together. Some people are wondering if it's because this particular town has absentee parents that don't chaperone their sons' and daughters' all-night adventures. The small fishing town has been through a rough patch lately due to unemployment and economic hard times. Some residents and media are saying that these kids are not well-loved enough and are on their own' so often that they are looking to have babies for someone to love them back.' Others are claiming that in this Catholic town, perhaps the rates of pregnancy are not increasing, but rather the rates of abortion are decreasing as pregnant girls are receiving more and more support for having their babies. Gloucester High School offers on-site day care and a supportive school environment that allows the girls to be mothers and also get their high school diploma at the same time. The school hallways are flooded with students shuffling along with pom-poms, sports equipment, backpacks, and baby carriages. Or is this something that could happen anywhere in the Age of Nicole Richie, Brittney Spears, and even Brittney's 17-year-old sister Jamie Lynn? Maybe it has more to do with Realty TV and People Magazine messages than one town's struggles?

No matter what the cause of this supposed pregnancy pact, teen pregnancy is nothing new. In my day, girls were sent away to have their baby in private facilities. Grandma raised the baby as their own, only to release the secret years later to the family (or have the secret stumbled upon). Back alley, hanger-induced abortions were more common because safe medical care was often not an option. Doctors that dared to participate often went to jail. For young teenage mothers who had their babies and were public about it, well, many of them did the right thing and wed the guy, whether he was a one-nighter or a significant relationship. My generation knows all too well how poorly many of these marriages worked out.

Times change. But as the saying goes, what goes around comes around. Many grandparents are once again becoming new parents as they raise their children's children. If you have the energy, resources and inclination for this, great. But how many of us really would choose this when we've already raised our brood? Besides, many of the grandparents I know are busy with their own lives and also have the responsibility of monitoring their own or a significant other's illness.

Do I really want to deal with peanut allergies, complicated car seats, soy milk, in-car DVD's, X-Boxes, and piles and piles of plastic toys on a daily basis? Not me. I love being a grandma who has gotten to spoil my grandchildren rotten by taking them traveling, to ball games and especially doing something my wonderful kids would never do like let them stay up past bedtime playing poker. I'd much rather be a support staff grandma than a primary caretaker. How much easier to wonder about the Gloucester girls than to stay up past my bedtime fretting about what my own teenager might be doing. Been there, done that.

How many of you are, or know, a grandparent who is raising their grandchildren? What do you think about the Gloucester pregnancy pact? Sound off with your comments.

 

Sex Is What You Make Of It

For those of us over 50, our world is often filled with prudes and prurient. Everyone knows sex sells, at any age. Whether or not you are having it. Whether or not you are for or against it. Whether or not it's heterosexual or same sex, it's of interest to all. However, sex changes with added years. Once over fifty, our bodies are like a well worn car. We may get a great new paint jobs, but still some of our parts may get rusty and don't quite work the way they once did.  And we often need repairs and/or external and internal overhauls. These changes impact our sex lives. Though desire remains our best aphrodisiac, there is no shame or blame in letting science help where nature may have left off.

Menopause used to be relatively irrelevant, because people didn't live productively (and sexually) for another thirty, forty or even fifty years as we now do. Thus, if their libido, or (sex drive) drooped and dropped, it didn't' really matter. Now with the implications of a potential "pink pill eventfully on the market (Viagra for women) the fact that many women are interested in continuing their sex life is out in the open. However, women need to be responsible and do their research. As I have mentioned in prior articles, staying healthy and sexually active requires taking responsibility and getting educated. You really need to know what is available, and the risk benefit ratio of every product. You know your body better than anyone else. Pay attention to it.

Men too are impacted. Many men find their erections aren't as firm or frequent or last as long as they once did. This is normal. Talk to your doctor to check out your physical health. Don't be afraid to use prescription aids available. But, do remember truth in advertising. TV and print ads tend to race through and fudge the small print. Not all prescriptions work for all people all the time. Many have side effects or aren't appropriate in specific conditions or are counter indicated with other medications. So, don't be ashamed to ask questions or acknowledge the specific prescription or over the counter aid you are trying.

Remember Jack Nicholson as aging playboy Harry Sanborn in the delightful movie, Something's Gotta Give? (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0337741). He takes Viagra which can kill you when mixed with nitroglycerin. He has chest pains and is in the in emergency room when he is asked if he's taken Viagra. He lies and when told by medical practitioner, "good", then they can give him the needed nitroglycerin, Harry, leaps off the table, embarrassed. Everyone over 50 in the audience I was in laughed because it hit home. Denial runs rampant when we seek additional help for our sexual lives. My advice, don't drop out. Tune in and tune up and use what is available to keep intimacy and joy alive.

1. Go back to basics… create a romantic atmosphere, and view sexy movies together. Not alone and not solo porn. I mean together, like the old days.

2. Spice is Nice. Break your routine. Do something fun. Use sex toys if that's your thing. Whatever floats your boat between two consenting adults is OK.

3. Exercise for your mind and body… including exercising some internal organs such as kegels for both women and men.

4. Always check with your health professional to make sure your external and internal chassis is in good shape.

5. Don't run on empty, take care of yourself and have fun.

Sex is Still Around - Only Different

America is both a puritanical and prurient society. We shout family values, but the definition of family now extends to include two people of the same sex, chosen children, blended and extended relatives, and less and less of the once prevalent concept of Mom, Dad, 2.5 kids and Leave It To Beaver white picket fence bonds.

Sex sells and no matter what family value we promote, we are surrounded by this reality at every turn. Open any magazine, tune into most TV channels, watch any sport, even attend cultural high brow events such as the Opera, and you will find ads geared to get us in the crotch blasted from every angle.

The generation who witnessed the sudden availability of birth control, who "f—ked for peace," who lay down in streets against war and shouted "Never Trust Anyone Over Thirty" - are all over fifty and furthermore. We have become the age that we railed against.

We who once thought we had discovered Estrogen Avenue and Testosterone Boulevard are now not only over thirty but pushing fifty, sixty and more. And we find we still want to "do it." Only most of us find it simply isn't the same.

What has changed? For many of us, sex may be slower, less satisfying - or better than ever. But one thing is for sure; it certainly is different. My advice to my peers: Don't rush to your local MD (many of whom once were the purveyors of illegal drugs and have now become the doctors, respected prescribers of legal ones). Instead do something more complex but possibly longer-lasting. Change your attitude. Use your brain - it remains your most important sexual organ. Stop comparing yourself to what you once were and enjoy yourself as you are now. Remember, too, the largest sexual "organ" is your skin. Sex remains. But for most of us (blessedly), it is different than when we were mindlessly young.

Sex-A Cure?

 

We all receive odds and ends sent to us on the web, most often lifted from some other unsuspecting site or other. Recently the esteemed Radio Talk show host, Jim Bohannon, (www.jimbotalk.net) sent me this. It happens to be as good a medical and psychological prescription as I know. It’s pretty valid. Statistics show that people in relationships that have an active sex life simply do better and live healthier than those who do not. Here are some possible additional reasons why:

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Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It' more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

This is one time this psychologist agrees that making love in a caring relationship may not cure all that ails you. But it certainly may help. Try it.

 

Sex and Health

We all receive odds and ends sent to us on the web, most often lifted from some other unsuspecting site or other. Recently the esteemed Radio Talk show host, Jim Bohannon, (www.jimbotalk.net) sent me this. It happens to be as good a medical and psychological prescription as I know. It’s pretty valid. Statistics show that people in relationships that have an active sex life simply do better and live healthier than those who do not. Here are some possible additional reasons why:
---
Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.

Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It' more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!

Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.

Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

This is one time this psychologist agrees that making love in a caring relationship may not cure all that ails you. But it certainly may help. Try it.