Fifty and Furthermore's Blog

Every Year is a Gift

My birthday was August 2nd. Usually I love birthdays and enjoy marking them for others, as well as myself. This one, though, seemed neither here nor there. 67 wasn't a biggie, on the way to 70, and how did I get here anyway? I didn't sleep well several nights prior to the big day. Dreams, thoughts and concerns wafted through my active unconscious, letting me know I was not at ease. Although I am excited by life-affirming possibilities, my very human worries surfaced. Did I need to revisit my will? Was my family OK? Would my own health checkups return good reports? Was I doing enough for others? Too much? Would the new book that I'm writing continue to flow? My husband needs a new car. Should I bug him to buy the hybrid that I thought wise for both us and for the environment? Or should I encourage him to purchase the gas guzzler that I knew he wanted? Who would win the election?

Large and small concerns ebbed and flowed into one another - all, I'm sure, part of an underlying scream that emerged as death's door opened just that much wider. The big day came and unexpected calls, emails, cards and yes, gifts arrived. Although still in my "this is not a big deal birthday mode," I appreciated acknowledgments, well wishes and the friendship and love that came my way. But, deep down, I wasn't my usual celebratory self. Until

My husband and I went out for the quiet dinner we had planned. We happen to have a wine locker at several restaurants including The Capital Grill in Jacksonville. Last week they called and invited us to have dinner there on my birthday. That's not uncommon for a restaurant to do when one is a frequent patron. I thought nothing of it. NOTHING! It seemed as good as anything we might do except maybe staying home relaxing on our porch and enjoying the view.

Then they didn't have our usual promised table. I shrugged. So what? And as I was gently guided into a lovely special room, brain dead and totally without a clue, Happy Birthday wishes engulfed me sung by many of my Florida friends. I, who am rarely speechless, was. Tears came. This was the first surprise party of my life. I looked questioningly at my husband still implying "but this particular birthday is no big deal." Lovingly he looked at me. "Hon, henceforth, every day is a celebration. Every day we look in the mirror and see ourselves is special and every year is a gift."

Amen.

Pets Can Save Lives for FiftyAndFurthermores

Yesterday, Marjorie, who is 68 and one of my assistants, came to work sharing a remarkable story. She lives in the country surrounded by land and fresh air. However, she is also isolated from close neighbors. Three years ago she had taken in a stray cat. She named him Morris and they were good companions. Marjorie lives alone near her children and grandchildren and likes where she lives. She is a healthy, active and savvy lady who knows how to take care of herself. Half asleep she noticed that Morris seemed restless. Thinking nothing of it, she turned over to go to sleep. Morris jumped on her bed. Surprised and sensing something amiss she got up. Everything seemed normal and quiet. Back to bed she went. Again, Morris seemed unsettled. Again she got up. She heard nothing but looked out the window anyway and thought she saw a shadow moving, but again thought nothing of it. Morris paced again. Suddenly she heard a window crash. Someone was trying to break in. She screamed, called her daughter who lives nearby and dialed the police. The intruder ran and Marjorie, except for shaking from a bad scare and an extra dose of vulnerability was fine. The would-be intruder wasn't caught and she came to work having escaped a close call. Morris had saved her.

Now, we are all relatively familiar with the fact that dogs are known to protect their loved owners. But cats are generally considered to be less protective. Evidently cats too have territorial instincts. At least Morris does. We talked about the current literature that confirms that pets help keep older people alive. They offer companionship and structure as their needs must be met. Larger dogs also require walking which helps provide exercise to their owners. But a cat that saves lives, that is a bit unusual. I found myself wondering if I should make stronger recommendations to my FiftyAndFurthermore clients who live alone to become pet owners.

As my now grown children have left home, so have our pets, all passing from old age. My kids have wanted me to have new ones. My grown children worry about me and are well-aware of the benefits of pets for seniors. Because I travel as much as I do, I have chosen to remain animal-free. But perhaps this is not the best decision after all?

As our society becomes more isolated, pets have gained prominence. I do miss our last two residents dearly (Mr. Lucy, our final cat, and Bibi, our dog). But perhaps it's more than simply companionship and I'm in a bit of denial? What if it's more important to realize that having a smart four legged companion really could save my life?

Finally! Science Secures Continued Savoring Of One Of My Sins!

New Hints that Red Wine May Slow Aging:

http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1P2-2185173.html
http://www.nutritionj.com/content/6/1/27

Oh joy, oh joy. This study makes me happy.  I eat well, rarely to excess, eat almost no meat, and an alcoholic drink barely passes my lips, but I love my red (and white) wine. Now, it seems, I can imbibe to my heart's content, in moderation of course, purely medicinally to stay alive. Maybe the ancient Jews and Christians knew what they were doing when they added wine to their religious rituals. Seems all the antioxidants and other good stuff contained in red wine appear to prolong youth and fend off aging. This doubles my determination not to quit the stuff. I always knew it was medicinal of the best kind. So glad science is giving me additional permission to stay on something I already enjoy. Sometimes the body seems to know how to care for itself. 

The ancients were wise. Viva wine now and when I am one hundred and ten!

Erectile Dysfunction After Prostate Surgery

I was on the Jim Bohannon show last month talking about saging, life, sex and other issues that have to do with our exciting website www.fiftyandfurthermore.com. A brave caller asked the following question. "I am in my mid fifties, had prostate cancer and no longer perform or function as a man Dr. Lynn. What do I do?"

There are many remedies to penile or sexual dysfunction as a result of prostate surgery. I chose not to go into all the possibilities and complications in the 3 minutes allotted me. And simply, sounding a bit cavalier said "so what?" Meaning you are still human and capable of connection, and relationships, there is still a place for you. The man seemed relieved.

It's easy to understand how part of one's identity seems diminished when you can no longer perform as you once did. Regaining self confidence and feeling like a stud (if he ever was one) becomes a major issue. I hope this guy talks to his friends, joins a support group, and/or enters short time therapy and get some help before he risks becoming a recluse. He's got plenty of issues to fiddle with, that's for sure. My wish is that he gets help remembering that he has an identity that is the sum of more than his dick. With perseverance, patience and loving connections, he will be able to find a fulfilling life. Is it easy… "No." But, is it possible… "Yes." I've seen it happen, therefore I know it is possible.

Amino acids = less wrinkles?

Although many studies affirm that with years we need less sleep and function perfectly well on fewer hours, try convincing one of the many over fifties that this is true. A good night’s sleep is hard for all too many to get.

One of the little spoken truths about health issues for those of us wondering how to keep wrinkles at bay and trying to keep our energy at an optimum level is how hard it is to get a good night’s sleep. There are many reasons for this including physical ones. For women, one of the most trying symptoms of menopause are the hot flashes and mood swings that often accompany this normal life stage change.  This issue is so well known that comedy routines are made of such stuff. What few people realize is that with menopause and sometimes forever after, sleep cycles are never the same.  Men also often start to sleep less. One of the major causes for their need for daily “cat naps” is the reality that as prostates enlarge, the more often a guy has to go to the bathroom. Add an extra dose of stress for either sex, and “bingo” - we’ve got a nation of otherwise hip F&F’s who are sleepy - and often snappy by day and restless tossers by night.

A little known sleep aid used for reducing stress and helping people get into healing deep (alpha wave) sleep, is an over-the-counter amino acid called L-Theanine. This is the same amino acid found in green tea and other products easily found on your local store shelves. L-Theanine may not work for everyone, but it sure works for many.

So, before you start popping all those prescription (and often costly) pills to help you sleep, why not try one of those helpers that are produced naturally by your own body? I can’t promise you FDA approved scientific research, nor can I promise it will work for you, but does it work for many? Absolutely! One word of caution though. If you are on other medications, check with health care professionals and read labels with care. Some drugs and natural substances are known to negatively interact with each other.

Sleepless in Seattle or Chicago or DC? Wake up and try something new. A good night’s sleep is one of the four major ways of staying energetic, happy and healthy. Keep reading this Blog to learn other ways to get a good night’s sleep and as an added bonus, to find out the other three best ways to ease those wrinkles without surgery.

Oprah is on the mark about thyroid issues

Oprah has recently spoken out about her own thyroid issues and how they impacted her. In her case, she became exhausted. Thyroid and all of the important “movement/ motivational/body balance and body regulation glands” are far more important than most people realize. In our high stress society, glands such as the pituitary, thyroid and adrenal are easily affected by our activities. When we push hard, they often rebel and try to signal us to change our behavior. All too few people listen until a warning sign or something more serious hits them hard.

Oprah sites Dr. Christiane Northrup's The Wisdom of Menopause as her bible.

Yes, it’s a good book. And yes, thyroid issues hit many woman of menopausal age. But, according to many researchers, these gland stress responders are also due to changes in the environment, what we eat and the quality of our relationships. Thyroid cancers are also on the rise and no one knows definitively why.

I have spent more than 30 years as a mind/body/spirit oriented psychologist who has seen and worked with many people who have physiological manifestations of their otherwise ignored emotional dynamics. Stress is really a quick or (euphemistic) word for our bodies being on overload or for our whole selves being “out of whack.”

I too have had my thyroid go haywire. Two years ago, I had a warning sign, a lump that wouldn’t go away. The only way to discover whether or not my lump was malignant was to remove it. Fortunately, it was benign. Thus, I have joined millions of others who take daily doses of synthroid or other generic hormone substitutes. I have also used acupuncture, yoga and other methods to help keep me in better balance and to heal. I have no question that my personal Type A life style contributed to my body’s warning signals. My body always begs me to listen better to my own needs. Listening is not always easy, especially as I (S)age. My body’s fragility does not always match my intellectual intentions. Careful listening is an education. I try to listen and work to change. But it isn‘t easy and often I don’t like what I’m hearing one bit. Still I try and as all others, I remain a work in process.

I applaud Oprah for coming forth with her own warning signal and subsequent wake up call awareness.  However, my wish is that we look even more deeply at how our current external and internal world impacts us including the environment, food and the quality of our relationships.  They are all interrelated. Better Balance is a Forever Process.

What to do when you think your body is giving you a wake up call:

Stop and think first.

Gather information.

Seek help.

Explore Western and Eastern concepts of healing.

Start to look at what needs to change in your life.

Then comes the hard part...

Implement the changes.

Down But Not Out

Today was an odd, but not truly unanticipated day. I’ve been bouncing around thinking I could be superwoman busily promoting my book on caregiving, When The Man You Love Is Ill: Doing The Best For Your Partner Without Losing Yourself (Marlowe/Avalon 2007).  Yup, I’m promoting. I was enjoying reaching for stars and levitating a little. Then, wham bam, I stumbled. My energy ran amok. I got super tired and even felt so bad that I got scared. (I don’t do illness particularly well.) Common sense returned. I’d done too much and in an instant I was reminded that no matter what you think you are up to, you are merely another person laughing, playing, lovin’ and capable of getting sick.  One hefty dose of necessary humility swallowed. Wonder what tomorrow will bring?

The Secret History of the War on Cancer

I have been reading Dr. Devra Davis’s The Secret History of the War on Cancer. I suggest that you, too, check out this book. It will blow your mind and push you to decide what side you are on. For those who have also read the book or who plan to, the following is a review I shared on the Slate message board:

"Devra Davis’s book The Secret History of the War on Cancer is doing precisely what it should do - causing havoc and dissent. Dr. Davis’s well-documented, well-written and thought-provoking book systematically details what has been secret. It’s no wonder that so many whom she calls to ethical responsibility still deny the veracity of her clearly outlined and defined history of the 'war.'  All wars have secret alliances whose identities pop up when their flanks are threatened. At such times, they conveniently convene for unified onslaught. I’m almost finished reading this astonishing book. The Secret History of the War on Cancer’s significance is noted precisely because such passionately different sides will be taken. Since cancer impacts all of us, I have no doubt about whose side I am on. Bravo to Dr. Davis for revealing so much and risking all."

The Caregiver's Dilemma Over and Over Again

It is because I know the Caregiver’s Dilemma so well and these questions we all ask ourselves, that I wrote my new book.When The Man You Love Is Ill: Doing The Best for Your Partner Without Losing Yourself

www.FiftyandFurthermore.com, www.Amazon.com. In truth, the title belies the information the book contains and in some ways, my personal orientation. My belief is that this book is for all who have ever been faced with the questions and sometimes agony of hope, how to cope and what to do when the unexpected happens and Cargiving becomes part of, if not all, of one’s life. I can offer stories, tales and advice. I rolled most of what I’ve learned and know into one place—this book. So the best I can do is say, read it. Hopefully it will help you understand that guilt is of no value and all anyone can do is to do their best for yourself while care-taking another. If you get ill, everything falls apart. So do what you have to do for you. Get all the help you need (friends, family, students, religious affiliations, professionals—whomever.

Remember, when you are a passenger in a plane, although it goes against your grain, should disaster strike, that oxygen mask goes on you first. Unless you remain breathing and alive, you can’t help anyone else. This is a difficult task, I know. But try and keep this message cooking on your back burner until it takes hold and you can move it to the front. There is a big difference between being Selfish and Self Caring. Learn to be Self Caring. Everyone you love will benefit.

A Band of Brothers

Illness and death seem to be on my mind today. One of my husband’s best friend’s wives was walking along the edge of her property in Florida. While walking with her lawn helpers, she tripped and fell a number of feet, cracked her skull and is now flat lined in Hospice waiting...And my husband and all the guys are waiting with her.  Three aspects of this experience touch me deeply.

The ephemeral and precious quality of life.

The down side of the geographical distance between my husband and me because we live in two different states and this is a time when we should be together.

The beauty of the bond the men have for each other and how during this time of crisis they are doing what women are more apt to do. Feed the man in need in every way they can. For this moment in time, truly, they are a band of brothers.