Fifty and Furthermore's Blog

Sex and the City vs. the Golden Girls

Is it unconscious envy or have I really grown into a different mindset? With all the Sex and the City movie hype, I find myself longing for something more age appropriate such as The Golden Girls. No, I never was a Golden Girls fan, but at this point neither am I A Sex and the City Wannabe. I have begun to find Carrie's self exploration, reminiscent of my daughters self absorptions before they grew up and settled down. I want to dump the lot of them in therapy and say, "Hey, grow up and stop trying to sex your way through life. Sex is easy; it's learning how to have a relationship that takes work. Get thee into decent therapy and let your hunger get filled. Learn the difference between activity and productivity. Stay still and breathe."

Yes, I love bonding between women. And yes, they watch each other's backs. And yes, they are a team. But at my age, do I really want to watch my kids and friends antics all over again? I've risen too many and listened to too many of their age try to grow up. (I admit I still try to help a few S&TC type women and men here and there.)

And the fashions? Admittedly, I own several pairs of Manolos. But, blessedly, my life is about far more than shoes. I proudly come from a generation that wore what they wished, which might even have been nothing (if you went to Woodstock and/or were part of the Woodstock nation). And Carrie's red carpet hat-thing perched on her head seemed like a contrived reaching for individuality that neither she nor anyone else needs to spend a fortune on to declare their identity. You can be who you are and wear what you want, and it might even look good instead of silly.

OK, tell me I've become an old fuddy duddy and I no longer understand. I really don't think so. I'm happy to applaud the TV series, the movie and all the profits everyone involved will reap. But, truth is told ladies, "It just ain't that new". Anyone my age has seen it beforeand perhaps even been part of their version of sex, (After all, we are the generation that changed everyone's future because the FDA approved birth control for us.)

So I am glad Carrie, Miranda and friends are out there for the new generation. But for me, watching their antics makes me happy I'm not young again. Nowadays, a little depth goes a long way. Or as the saying goes: "a little dab will do ya") That's about as much as I can take.

Youngsters enjoy. And maybe you too will one day live a few quiet cell free moments and walk in comfortable shoes and feel you look beautiful, just because you are. And men will flock to you, because that's what men do. And you will sit back and choose the one you want with a bit of a flutter and care. Will I see the movie? Maybe? But, with all the wonderful Indie films out there, it certainly isn't my first choice.

NOT PC in DC

The other evening my husband and I went to the final performance of Avenue Q which was playing at the National Theater in Washington, DC.  I grew up with the Howdy Doody, then came Bert and Ernie, and the Muppets entered our family and so did everything that wasn’t politically correct. This long term Broadway musical won many well-deserved awards. It’s a fun show that takes on every stereotype imaginable while not losing the heart and soul of where people live.  Each song and scene drew audience laughter. Which implies that the friendly swipes were understood by those watching and touched their insides. Somewhere in the midst of the audience's warm response, I wondered why our politicians didn’t better understand that not being PC is really the way that most people live.

What if politicians stopped being so politically correct, added a bit of humor and reality to their “shtick”? I don’t know if it would help them win or lose. But it would certainly make them more real, more fun and ultimately, more believable. Maybe Dennis Kucinich knows more about politics than most of us seem to give him credit for?  He certainly seems to be having the most fun of all the candidates running. And he appears happy. I’m not out and about raising money for him. But he seems far less foolish to me than he is usually portrayed.

DC can be very proper and uptight. Avenue Q reminds us that underneath all the political rhetoric, real people have real thoughts that aren’t always so really nice.

Owen Wilson, Edith Piaf and Psychotherapy Today

Last night some friends, my husband and I went to the movies to see the light comedy 2 Days In Paris. We chose this surprisingly insightful, comedic fare to balance the last film we saw, the heart-wrenching, courageous story of Edith Piaf in La Vie en Rose. Before the movie, the usual run of trailers for coming attractions flashed across the screen including one for The Darjeeling Limited staring Owen Wilson.

So why a Blog on movies from a therapist? Both Piaf and Wilson lived or live with demons. In Piaf’s case, this fact (sadly so) helped make her great. Her pain seeped deeply over her face, her body, her language and her voice. And we loved “the little sparrow” as we loved another similar to her, Judy Garland. They wore their warts and their pluck so obviously that we identified with them and rooted for them all the way, much as a Red Sox fan forever rooted for the never-quitting underdog with hints of greatness, waiting until they came though and won. Such “in the mud winners” affirm for all of us that our faith is not misplaced and that as we are touched by them or root for them, that we too in our dark times can come out the other side.

But, Owen Wilson is not like a familiar “old horse” or over-fifty love. He's part of the new glamor version. Everything hangs out but really doesn’t. By that I mean either we get a gaggle of young stars in and out rehab, or we are presented with glamorous views with no indication that pain, suffering and dark sides exist.

Owen Wilson made his name by being talented and charming. Any hint of his pain was “Public Relationed” away, and as with much in America, we were sold a story of glamor, frivolity and non-reality. Owen Wilson has a huge and well-deserved fan base. At least he has talent when compared to so many other stars, aspiring wanna-be’s and People Magazine portraits, or other print and media daily glamor stories that continually glut our brain.

 

Personally, I want Owen Wilson to find what he seeks. I know little about him, other than what I’ve seen, have been told or once in awhile read. To me, he also seems a symbol of America today. Show the world a picture of happiness forever, toss in a smattering of glamour and elegant life style and most consumers will by the story “hook line and sinker.” We want to believe that eternal happiness is possible and all too often collude in the fantasy of what has become the American dream. Gain without pain.

 

I loved Piaf and Garland and those whose struggles were so public. I understood the real product. Owen Wilson (and so many of his generation and younger) can help lead the way for their many fans. They too can “come clean” and stop living the lives of one- dimensional beautiful people. Owen Wilson deserves his privacy as he struggles with his darkest terrors. But, should he choose, he, as others in the limelight, like Michael Fox, Ben Stiller, Carrie Fisher, Patty Duke and hosts of their peers, can offer greater reality as they share their very public lives in multidimensional ways. In the process, they can help youth and their parents remember that no matter what your job, as the old saying goes, ‘We all put on our pants one leg at a time.” Neither glamour nor money nor fame protects one from feelings. For some, medication may be the answer. For others, a solid dose of psychotherapy may help. I’ve seen it work. And, yes, I am openly proselytizing. There is no stigma to pain. It's part of life. Learning how to deal with life's darks side, often requires getting help. I hope Owen Wilson gets all that he deserves.