Fifty and Furthermore's Blog

Mommy Makeovers?

"Mommy Makeovers" was the title of an article I recently read in the Denver Post. Seems a newly targeted cosmetic surgery market is women who have had the privilege to bear children. As the controversial 2004 movie put it, What The Bleep Do We Know?  Except I think I really do understand the pushes and pulls of our current society. One of the latest PR sales pitches is to convince women that the aftermath of pregnancy is bad and that somehow normalcy is for the body to forever return to its pre-pregnancy state. I am all for looking good and well understand the possible benefits of easily available elective surgery (if one can afford it.) It fits in with today’s media and glossy magazine standards. What I don’t really get is how pregnancy and the pride of producing offspring has become an aberrant period in a woman’s life. The marketing of the Mommy Makeover is geared to pathologize the postpartum body. If those of us who know better don’t stop to think and to speak up, we will soon have a diagnostic category stating that women suffer from a new illness that needs fixing. (Freud’s one sided theory of penis envy may as well stick around.)

Though never a card-carrying member, I grew up in the era labeled ‘women’s lib.’ I have lived long enough to see the freedoms fought for during the sixties and seventy’s eroded on many fronts. A recent article in Time magazine cited a poll indicating a majority of younger women have never heard of Gloria Steinem or (God forbid) the late Betty Friedan. What’s a woman my age supposed to do with this information? Sit quietly and go with the flow or speak up and educate?

What troubles me, is that we women are becoming an updated model of retread objectification. Life’s realities and sometimes ravages are once more to go under cover. I’m as appalled by the notion that one’s post pregnancy body needs to be fixed as I am by the world telling me that the new sixty is really forty. Duh! Where are our brains? Why in the world would I want to be forty again? Sure, I have my past regrets. Sure, I wish I knew then what I know now. But, what is wrong with forging new paths and being a pioneer at my well earned age of 66. I am not 40 and my issues are not those of a forty year old. And while I have no issues with those of us who choose elective surgery. I do take issue with the notion that a surgeon’s knife fixes all ills.

At any age, life is an adventure with twists and turns. There are still women who believe that bearing children is worth the change their body may go through. And there are even women willing to work to get back in shape. Yes, sometimes surgery may be called for. But an automatic mommy makeover? Please, ladies, learn from those my age and older. Let your brains kick in. The idea is ludicrous.

Cosmetic Secrets from Childhood

It’s essential to feel good inside which will impact how you look outside. As a psychologist I like the inside-out concept. But for a couple "outer" tricks I've used for years, read on.

My favorite drug store staple is Witch Hazel which I keep in the freezer. Just as it aided with bee stings when you were a child, put some on a cotton pad, close your eyes and let it soak. It takes away puffiness due to tears, lack of sleep and stress. As a psychologist, I recommend this to all my clients. It helps them cry in a therapy session; if they feel and know they will still look sexy and smashing that evening, they are more likely to let the tears flow.

I also love certain inexpensive basics such as mascara, lip and brow liner, and brow gel, old fashioned Ponds and other creams that have been around for ages and can be found in drug stores. I prefer fragrance-free and no additives, which may take some looking, but are worth it.

What hints do you offer?

Dove, Oprah and Beauty

I continue to be impressed by Dove’s gutsy ads. They have caught the wave of current thinking and by bucking the anti aging tide have gained my support. Also, I rarely read O, Oprah’s magazine and again I am impressed at how much it has changed. At he same time that it promotes individual beauty and the concept that who you are, whatever your shape you are fine, even beautiful, just the way you are. It is chock a block with ads and discussion about the latest methods available to stay young. Something for everyone, I suppose. (Just look at how the new Oprah’s looks compared to not so long ago). I have no problem with cosmetic aides and procedures as I’ve had a few my self. However, on the other end, O has 4 frontal nude photos of women in all stages of life. Voluptuous bellies, dried and dangling breast, women who are real and feel beautiful as they are. Take your pick and choose your concept of beauty for yourself.

BECOMING INVISIBLE

 

Innumerable studies show that good looking people do better in our society than those who are not. In one grade school study, attractive kids with the same qualifications as kids not considered as physically attractive automatically got better grades. And in another study, if there were two job applicants possessing the same qualifications, the more attractive person was more likely to get the job.

 

I’ve often told my clients that aging in our society is far more difficult for a beautiful woman than for a man or a woman who was never born with that genetic gift. With added grey in their hair, men become suave or debonair. In general, women simply get old. Younger physically attractive women possess an aura that they that enable them to naturally walk through otherwise society’s otherwise closed doors with greater ease. Paths magically open for them. If they smile, the doorman opens the door. Men cater to them. Waiters do little extras and women both admire and rival them. These beautiful women may or may not purposely traffic on their looks, but they possess an aura that they tend to consciously or unconsciously rely on. In spite of wonderful attempts by such retailers as Dove’s pro aging campaign and the clothing designer Eileen Fisher’s use of natural models of all sizes, shapes and colors, not much has changed. Good looking people tend to have the upper hand.

 

Last night for her birthday, I took a very attractive and sexy female friend to dinner at an expensive restaurant. Though at 65-–for my age, I am no slouch in the looks department, I might as well have been in a wall flower in high school again. Although, I was in my “home base” restaurant where I am well known and usually catered to, and although I clearly was going to pay the check, the maitre d’ and most of the staff members could not keep their eyes off or stop “kow tow” to my decade younger sexy friend. I remember when I was her age and younger and instinctively sensed the same behavior towards me. My friend did nothing to elicit their behavior. I had simply become invisible. Sage or zest or all compensatory terms did not help in the least. In their eyes, I am old and invisible and frankly, I did not like it one bit.

Dove scores one for over-fifty women!

I've always very much respected the Dove brand for being willing to go against societal thinking and feature women of all shapes and sizes in their ads. Their "natural beauty" angle is refreshing in the day and age of super-skinny, platicized teenage models, and now Dove has taken it one positive step further - rather than describe their new line of products as ANTI-aging, they have called them PRO-age and explain that they are to help women in their BEST years to realize their beautiful potential. Best yet, they have a bunch of new everyday women models who are all over fifty. I saw 4 of the models interviewed on the Today Show this week and was inspired to go to Dove's website where I was happy to see that the pro-age campaign is front and center! Check it out here!

Even neater is the commercial for the Pro-age line that they have playing on their website. It challenges traditional thinking about aging and aims to show that beauty has no age limit. Watch it here.

Go Dove!

BOTOX: YES OR NO?

NOTE: I used to blog over at blogger.com, but I wanted to incorporate my thoughts directly into FiftyandFurthermore.com so I had to transfer everything over to TypePad which allows me to do that. Though the automatic dates will all read January, 2007, I actually wrote the blogs on the date specified above the text - just so no one thinks I have THAT much free time to write about 30 posts in one day! Starting January 13th, 2007, the automatic date generated will be accurate. Enjoy!
~Dr Dorree Lynn

June 12, 2006

Self-improvement, especially in the area of personal appearance, is applauded in American culture. Where does our desire for perfection end? In April 2002, the FDA approved of Botulinum Toxin Type A (Botox) to temporarily improve the appearance of moderate to severe frown lines between the eyebrows. Now there's evidence that Botox may be good for migraines. Does that mean cosmetic surgeons are now going to start diagnosing a headache prone public and get treatments covered by insurance and Medicare? I’m betting we will see multiple new medical migraines diagnosed by the end of this year. Who ever thought we would be living in a culture where much of the media and in certain circles the general public, look as if a 1950’s space ship just landed?